i dunno if anyone experience it before or it only happens on me.
hmm.. how shld i put it and say.
take for example someone named 'X'
'X' and i get along well.
we can talk almost everything under the sun.
able to CLICK.
and if it happens dat i start to think abt maybe someday 'X' and i where together,
how sweet can 'X' be.
like the way 'X' gently stroke my hair,
whispering softly in my ears,
cuddle me and slp thru the night.
awww..
as sweet as anything can be.
i believe u just cldnt resist to continue imagine it.
aft indulging in those sweet tots of me and 'X',
something like our friendship will kinda turns from gd to bad will happen,
or somthing like we'll nv be wat i've imagined.
as in we wont be so close aft dat or our topics just aint gotta get to anywhere.
and the reason for myself is..
simple bcos i tot of being together with 'X'.

dats y i always refrain and force myself nt to think any of these if i meet someone nice.
if i think/imagine means i'll nv get to him.
it happens ALL the time.
and when i keep on forcing myself nt to think dat we will be together..
it really really happen someday.
whereas if i imagine we will one day..
it will nv happen and worst turn into smth unpleasant.

maybe it do happens on u also?
yes? no?

im too vexed to blog wat happen over the past days.
as the saying goes..
LET NATURE TAKES ITS PLACE.

went down to bear's working place at noon with fatty and hao.
nt convincing enough for me i must say.
neither did the one i expected dat wld be better than bear in words to convince me.
he didnt HOOK me much aft talking abt it for ard 1 hr?
too much 'maybe' and 'if' revolving in my head now.
in fact it started from ytd aft hearing it from bear.
wat they need from us now is..
COMMITMENT, TIME and BELIEVE.
very straightforward.
i dare nt think any of the benefits they can provide but rather will i be in position and take up the challenge.
saying is always easier than doing.

meet up again with qq, fatty and hao at night for dinner.
went marina south for arcade.
alright as promise..
the arcade machine i mention a few post ago its actually called,
HYPER BISHI BASHI CHAMP.
yeah!
finally got it this time.
no doubt we played the game AGAIN this time ard.
aft which we over to another arcade beside it.
the guys went to play TIME CRISIS II.
left me and hao playing the fishing game. LOL
dat camel got his own way of catching the very 1st fish inspite of winding the line opposite.
hahaha.
he dunno which direction to wind..
anyhow wind also can catch fish.
nt bad.
HAO SHEN SHOU.
wahahaha..
headed to east coast park for ice-cream,
then to geylang for beef kway tiao.
and back hm.

now and then i still feel the slight pain within my head. *duhz
might be going down with fatty to bear's work place again tml.
hopefully no DREAMS for me again tonight.
sweet dreams still ok,
nightmares plssss... NOOOOO!
just even one night without it,
i'll be jolly captivated. *PRAYS

im SPEECHLESS.
below is my today's horoscope.
if u wanna know y i react dat way..
dats the best explaination i can give u.

You may fall into a very pessimistic attitude, ZhenFoong. Suddenly everything looks bleak and the glass half empty. You may feel like your life is going around in circles and you may be asking yourself what you are doing it all for, anyway. Realize that you can talk yourself out of this mood just as easily as you have talked yourself into it. Although this may not seem to be the case, you must trust that it is in order to see the glass as half full again.

IM LOST SOMEWHERE.
SOMEWHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG TO ME.

i know i shldn't hv said those words to u.
but sometimes i dunno y..
the presence of u makes me wanna do so.
i will only understand how it feels being in ur shoes aft a night of peace and rest.
im not being sorry or guilty abt it neither am i telling u all this dat i wanna be strong or need ur concern or watsoever.
its a feeling of something's nt right here or there.
i didnt say anything to u is bcos im not fit to say all those things out.
not ur fault and not mine as well.
its just a feeling of mine,
i cant control it.
its u who voice out its meaningless to continue our friendship then of cos i will abide to it.
since u find it so and i cant say anything to change ur thinking also.
and abt the morning msg..
if u havent guess it,
i'll tell u now, once and for all to clear everything.
wat i mean is to continue our friendship,
which also means continue wasting ur sms and also wasting my time reading it.
i hope u get wat i mean.
if u still willing to take me as a friend, by all means,
i'll be glad to hear it.
but i can nv assure u i wont feel dat way again.
but if u dun, i will accept and respect it.
dats all i wanna say to u.

to be or not to be it's still a mystery.

seems plain on the outside but complex in the inside.

HIDDEN & UNREVEALED

just reached hm.
meet up with fatty and hao.
ordered pizza hut and went up hao hse to watch MARTIN. *hehs
aft martin ends at 10pm,
we went to play most wanted.
whoo...
power sia.
guess wat,
i've actually won the race.
muahahaha.
thou im always a loser in game but this time different.
hao kept on pestering fatty to look out for the chiong most wanted disc at malaysia tml.

hving my PIC exam tml,
which also means its the last paper.
didnt study anything abt it.
just ready to sit for the paper and leave the exam hall.
DOOM!

i cant help telling myself 'IM SUCH A FOOL' whenever i think of wat i saw ytd when qq came to pick me up.
A BIG BIG FOOL I AM.
cant believe i've been fooled by NG QINGQUAN.
FCUKING SHITTTT.

he got us all believe dat his dad bought altis.
but in the end..
his dad really bought HONDA AIRWAVE.
wat a shock to see him in his airwave when all the while i tot its a black altis.
till now i still can believe i've actually been in AIRWAVE rounding thru all night ytd.
this time he really SNOOK us!

aft finishing our nasi lemak at chong pang,
we headed to changi.
first we went to loyang temple then to changi village for SHOWTIME. *hehs
nt much ah quas to see ytd.
we proceed to another carpark at the back..
where most of the 'roberto carlos' ah quas exist there. LOL
just as wat we expected,
we saw a really cannot make it one.
she or rather he was standing beside a lamp pole.
whenever he saw our car coming towards him,
he will try to look seducing.
and the worst part was he grab the pole and when we get closer to him..
he did dat kind of sexy cum seducing action,
lifting his leg half way up with bending knees and stroking the pole.
wah lau eh~
no doubt the sight of it sure make u puke real hard.
figure sexy nvm..
but this one face plus figure also gone case.
si bei jia lat.
confirm no business one.
but still i suggest to go a few more rounds just to see the 'JOKE OF THE NIGHT'. *laughs
ooh yah..
nt forgetting we saw dat zhiwei outside cheers with his HUGE bmw 7 series.
we went to chilled at changi beach before heading back hm.
it was a night of laughter, fun and also a night of being A FOOL OF QQ. *hmph

hving GMP and chemisty paper tml. *ZzZz
meeting up the guys again soon.
gonna transfer some mp3 to my mmc b4 preparing myself.

been staying at hm for the whole day. *ROT
hmm..
nt dat bad actually cos i've got him chatting online with me! *hehs :D
didnt knew he got his car license b4 me!!!??? *SHIT.
he's also getting his bike license once he finished serving ns.
i asked him wat bike he's gonna buy..
b4 he tell me wat it is i've alrdy expected his answer will be SP.
lols.
typical CHEENA taste.
think i must help him update the latest trend for bikes now. *hiaks
last time majority malays ride kawa and SP for chinese,
but now on road we usually see malays with SP and chinese with kawa.
weird uh~
we talk abt clubbing stuffs too.
from wat i see,
i believe he got a total different perception from last time.
as in he's dat kind of chiongster back then,
he told me dat he used to go clubIII 4-5 per wk!!!
dats alot man.
but now..
HE'S DIFFERENT.
i can sense in those words he said.
maybe he's getting sick of the past life.
he even told me to join him and stop clubbing. lol
perhaps everyone will come to a time when smth or someone knock their senses and wake them up.

ytd night was rounding again.
eat, slack then back hm.

LOVE is so blind.

It feels right when it's WRONG.

i was glad dat i did look thru my PIC bk this morning b4 leaving my hse for the paper.
thou its nt dat kind of HARDCORE revise but i guess its better than not even flipping thru.
i've alrdy did wat i can and think as hard as i can for it.

finish my paper at ard 3 plus.
went over to qq hse.
jumped on his sofa and on the BIG tv as usual.
wanted to play PS2 but those games he hv doesnt suit me.
if i play sure lose one.
was exploring his big tv controller while waiting for him to finish his shower.
soon aft he's done,
we went to pick hao up and headed to jurong to buy some tu-tu cakes.
was enjoying our tu-tu cakes in car while on the way to ah boy.
the rain started to pour when we were abt to reach.
went over to ah boy aft we finish our laksa.
whole range of helmet to see over there.
headed back hm as we cant think of any other places to go.

now i find dat THH helmet really sai man.
revolution or hyper one still can make it.
full face is the best..
SUPA TIONG.
and supa expensive also.
but my own hyper one also tiong lah. *hiaks
if only i hv my own kawa with butterfly paintwork.
either white or black base with butterflies from ferring all the way to the sideboard.
black ream or spooky ream cum yoshi racing footrest cum one seater.
and maybe chamber pipe.
whoooo~
sure tiong.
i know lah.. very 'mud mud' right.
hahaha.
the more 'mud' the more i like.
BUT BUT BUT the one dat can make me drool everytime i see is still..
'SUZUKI GSX 750'


DROOLSSSSSS :D~

went jp with gene aft sch to catch the movie DRAGON SQUAD.
nice movie thou.
was dead beat when i reach hm.
took a quick shower and went to bed for a rest.

ytd night meet up with qq and hao again.
went west coast chong pang for nasi lemak then headed to marina south for arcade games.
we played the 'very fun game' together again.
hahaha.
i promised im gonna find out wat's dat machine called the next time i go there.
so much fun playing together.
aft the games..
we went to labrador park.
upon reaching there we stop by at the near by petrol station and bought some biscuits and chocolates for bite.
i felt a kind of warmth feeling together with them ytd night.
smth it doesnt exist for a long time and the feeling was back i guess.
maybe dats the way how friends shld be.
I LOVE THEM!

hving my PIC final test tml.
and all i care abt is to slp, play and relax.
grr.. HOPELESS.
im far too lazy to tk out those bks even to flip them.
anyway im meeting the guys up again tonight.
with bao tagging along.
hopefully tml when i wake up,
i will hv the urge to revise just a lil.

changed a new layout again.
shld be better than the previous one uh. :)
and a new blog song by jay chou.

was on phone with hao while walking back hm from sch,
and eugene called.. saying he's somewhere behind me and asked me to turn ard.
i insisted not to turn and look cos once u see him means must acc him. *hahs
but eventually i turn back and accompanied him to the renting shop as he wanted to rent the dunno wat vcd.
he's always wasting his money on stuffs like this..
e.g: comics, vcd, dvd.
might as well u give me the money i help u keep.
but if i help u keep i sure will help u spent also.
hahaha.
aft gene WASTED his money on those dvds.. :Xx
we went over to mac and slack awhile b4 going hm.
everytime see his nokia 3G phone i not happy sia.
AH FOONG BUAY HUA HIE! *hmph
sigh.. somemore someone leaving for hongkong soon.
dumping me alone in sg.
some pple hair colour back to normal then changed.
dunno y also. *sob
i only know his name is EUGENE TOH CHI LIN!
muahahaha.

meet eric the very last time for lunch together during break just now.
pple graduating soon,
unlike me.. still struggling hard to survive. -_-

ytd night was a sudden idea to come out together with hao and qq.
hao suggested and called qq to come pick us up.
aft picking hao up we went to lavendar as hao wanted to eat the wanton mee.
headed to east coast mac and had mac-furry together.
and not forgetting while slacking at mac..
me and hao laughing real hard at what qq said abt the mac counter lady. *pengz
b4 we bought our mac-furry..
we were standing right infront of the only counter serving dat moment.
hao was asking us wat we want to order,
instead of telling hao wat to order..
dat disturbing qq look at the counter lady and said to hao: "pls tell the lady at the counter there dat her eyebrown hv drawn too high."
me and hao immediately turn our head, look at her eyebrown and burst into laughter. LOL
i guess the lady was really puzzled when we were laughing at her.
hahaha.
fcuking qq.
we slacked awhile there and headed hm as i was getting tired.
and no doubt i enjoyed myself in his car this time ard cos..
it might be the very last time i ever hv the chance to sit COROLLA SDG 2210. * hehs
it will be replaced by a brand new altis soon in a wks time.
weee!
got new car to enjoy again.

had my 2nd round of slp till now.
still feeling kinda slpy. *yawns

ytd aftnoon went suntec carrefour as the guys needed to buy stuffs for their "WIFE". lol
we proceed to the 2nd level to get their stuffs.
and we saw this very big piglet at the shelves selling at only $29.90.
i got one from the shelves immediately,
pat it and hug it as thou its mine. *hehs
but dat wasnt the biggest among them till i saw this huge teddy bear lying next beside to the piglet shelves. *oh gossh
and without delay..
i asked hao to help me tk a pic with the huge teddy.
very budget hor. *hahs
the teddy bear's face was so big till can hardly see my face beside it in the pic.
hahaha.
see it for yourself ah.
aft the guys bought those watever stuffs they needed..
we headed down to lido and bought tickets in advance for the midnight movie 'tom yum goong'.
before going hm qq bought us to autobacs..
and again he's there to buy goodies for his WIFE. *grr
it was a shopping spree for the guys ytd i might say.
when it comes to shopping for guys..
they go places where they can find good stuffs to CLEAN, POLISH, PROTECT and SHINE for their car.
no difference as hving facial at beauty salon.
their car or bike stand another half of their life.
just like we girls.. shopping is part of our life as well.

meet up the rest at night for the movie 'tom yum goong'.
wah lau eh~
the stunts really bo beh zhao.
SUPERB.
if u haven watch it i suggest u shld go catch it.
its worth spending your few bucks on it.


see.. the teddy's face is abt 3 times bigger than my face.


still i took a pic with the piglet eventually, thou it wasnt as big as the teddy. lol.
and by looking at the pic u can tell dat im hving a bad hair day *grr. my hair doesnt look as it supposed to be.

was trying to log in friendster but its kinda lag so decided to blog first.
meantime im reading the cleo mag which i just bought.
something caught my attention while reading the mag cover pg of what's in this mth's cleo.
they get an exculsive peek on changi women's prison.
its actually abt their life behind the bars and for us to get the real picture of the idea lock-up life they had.
interesting uh.
and there's this interview with a 20 yr old women,
sentenced to 3 yrs in prison for involving in a riot in girls' hm.
i doubt its probably a malay,
im not being bias or racist abt it.
cos as far as i've experience..
they are usually the trouble makers inside,
what they think of is only their group or gang in other words.
one for all, all for one.
and one thing i cant stand abt them is..
they still can feel PROUD waving to their so called kakis when being sent to lock-up room for punishment.
dat was abt.. hmm let me count,
abt 4-5 yrs back then.
woow..
time really flies..
i've even lost count of it.
alright back to where i was saying abt the interview with the girls..
what really surprised me while reading was actually abt their positive attitude they had.
they had a very clear mindset what they want in life aft finishing their sentence.
something which really admired me,
i salute your confident!

bump into yinfeng when walking back hm from sch.
he just finish one of his O-level paper, cant remember wat paper it was and he was trying to get a cab back hm.
soon we started chatting while waiting for the cab.
chatted those usual stuffs abt how's sch and everything.
he also asked me if im free to attend his bday chalet on dec..
i told him i'll see how then, guess he alrdy expected my answer will be so.
oh yah and not forgetting he's still working at the pub in clark quey..
maybe will go find him if we happen to go there to club on wkends.

and talking abt my personal stuffs..
im sorry to those who had been worrying abt me for the past few days.
im alright now.
carrying on with my usual sch life and the usual ah foong is back as well.
A BIG 'THANK YOU' FOR ALL YOUR CONCERN!

i tot today it will be all over.
but eventually i changed my decision.
few more days to go b4 last mth of nov.
and this is how my today's horoscope goes..

"You may be thinking that much of your life is simply too boring for anyone else to really care about, ZhenFoong. Don't fall into a well of self-pity in which you convince yourself that there is simply not enough excitement in your life and that there never will be. Believe that you have the power to cure any sort of downtrodden feeling that you might have at this time. Consider joining up with a spiritual support group where you can share your feelings honestly."

ignore the last sentence there.
everything abt it its so true, absolutely true.
its like so REAL.
i myself cldn't believe it when i was reading my mail a min ago.
and had the sudden urge to post it here.
anyway this wasnt the first time it sounded so accurate.

i felt as thou im a sinner.
all i want is to stop weeping.
i shed too much of tears of grief.
i dont know wat they are thinking in mind right now.
im hoping i cld enter their mind and tell them how im feeling all this while.
perhaps on their mind now im good for nothing.
sometimes i really cant be bother by wat others feel or think.
but they are my parents..
i wish i can just relax and walk on.
sigh sigh sigh.

I WANNA BREAKAWAY

ytd night was unforgettable.. absolutely an enjoyable night.
reached zouk at ard 9+.
went in at ard 10 when bao arrived.
initially we slacked at phuture while waiting for the night to start off.
the air-con was freezing cold.
and the music was dull and lifeless. ZzZz
not rnb or house music either.
no idea wat kind of music it was.
ard 12 we move to zouk.
oh man..
its damn happening over there.
everyone seems so high in the house.
bao went off first as she's tired and there's work the next day.
aft finishing our drink we went to dance floor to PARTY.
and u know wats the best part?
there's this sudden splash of cooling air dashing out from the top from time to time,
and whenever it happens the crowd gets even higher and scream on the top.
the DJ dat night was awesome as well.
her mixing skill was gd.
took everyone to the very top dat night.
a female DJ wasnt dat bad aft all uh.
some pple even show the thumps up hand sign to her.
we party till ard 2+ and went to the nearby prata shop for a bite.

then we shifted to MU and continue the night. :D
*hiaks
it was actually my plan to go MU.
free admission aft 3 so y not.
the atmosphere was alright but their techno ma chiam nv update. grr..
they even played god is girl and moonlight shadaow.
*omg
the DJ skill was only moderate.
we left MU at ard 4+ as it wasnt dat enjoyable.
took cab and went home respectively.

we took cab place to place dat night.
wasnt dat bad also. *cheeky smile
hopefully hao really enjoyed his bday night. :]

gonna meet up the rest at night.
sing bday song for him and cutting of the cake.

HAPPY 18TH BDAY CAMEL!!!

i seriously cant bear to leave my com right now.
cos im now in msn with him. grr..
i meet fatty 0130 at my hse downstairs.
going to find and buy my SHOE!!!

guess we aint fated at times.
whenever he's online i cld only chat with him awhile.
either im going out soon or smth on.
i hv to admit the feeling was not dat strong as before.
all i can feel is the word FRIENDS between us again.
i cant stop thinking of our past times whenever i chat with him.
oh man..
young and playful we are..
*random thoughts running in my head*

WOOOOHOOOO~
i feel gd.. talalalala.
i've tested the power of superfour.
the feeling is like WHOA!
despite it only hit till 130km/h but i hv to admit its great.
i want to try the TOP SPEED!!!
mr lo qifan..
u know wat to do hor.
hahaha.

talking abt this remind me of wat happen a yr back.
well.. it was a rather stupid one.
HE was racing with another bike.
not forgetting im his pillion.
i can't remember wat bike it was.
and the feeling was totally SUCKS.
worst part was i cried. grrr..
i guess i cldn't take it.
he hit the limit of 140km/h with a 2B bike.
i wasnt holding on to anything or grabbing the oil tank.
oh gossh..
i feel like bashing him up now.
and back then how the hell did i fall for him?
argh!!!

my today's shopping spree was BORING.
i bought only a ear-ring and a bag.
*diaos
tops was wat im looking for today.
but none of them did i like.
s'pore really very small.
too lil to travel and far too lil to shop!!!

i realise perhaps at times i jux need a shopping break to be myself and feel better.
:]

I NEED A BREAK.
im going for my SHOPPING spree wit fatty at town later.
buy watever clothes and everything,
be ready for tml ZOUK night.
hopefully till then i'll able to be myself back. :]

my stomach aint feeling gd today. -_-
hving a upset stomach from afternoon till now.
gone toilet for a total of 4 times ar. grr.

alright, sch wasnt dat ENJOYABLE today.
cant be bother by those seriously lack of "maturity" human beings.
and thanks to dat naughty candy,
i feel alot better aft showing me those funny and interesting smses.
lol.
u cannot believe her phone stored over 150 forward smses.
i read till blur ar.
but some indeed funny.
now i finally realise y she's so crappy at times,
cos she herself got alot of crappy friends playing forward msges wit her.
hahaha.
candy is a nice girl anyway.
may look very weak outside but not on the inside of her. :D

dun u jux agree with me dat waiting is such a nuisance sometimes?
to wait, just wait,
without knowing wat exactly u're waiting for.
to wait for smth dat u dun even know wld be there or not.
might, might not.

i've realise and figure out alot of things.
learnt to care lesser abt surroundings.
trying to be less emo infront of anyone.
others live in their own world jux like u do,
so who knows?
who cares?
and y bother?

jux reached hm not long ago.
met them for dinner.
went to AMK ave 6 as we wanted to try the carrot cake recommended on tv.
while walking to the hawker..
dat qq's super duper unique shoe caught my attention.
for dat very min i cant stop laughing all the way from carpark till the hawker.
wahahahaha.
super kok ar.
like dat time bear wear the sexy kappa pants.
i laugh till my tears burst out.

the stall was not open when we found it.
and so me and hao decided to order the western food.
mine was fish n chips.
when the auntie serve it on our table,
we all got a shock to see dat not only the plate was big but the piece of fish was big also.
not dat kind of normal size for fish and chip we usually see.
somemore got 2 piece sia.
gave one piece of it to the guys.
was extremly full aft i finish eating.
i think shld tell the western stall at hao hse there to learn from this stall.
they are more generous unlike them super stingy.
the chicken chop i ordered from them,
i can even count how many baked beans and fries in one shot ar.
the chicken chop also super small piece. *bth*

we headed to jurong hill aft dat.
all along the guys was talking abt their big business,
the dunno wat water lah.
left me and hao chatting abt our own stuffs.
then end up dicussing abt this wkend hao's bday.
hopefully they go MU,
i haven chiong since abt 2 mths ago.
so so sooo missed it. =.=